Potty Training a Boy IS Different May 29, 2009

Fast forward a few years and my second child, my son, is nearing his 2nd birthday.  We unearthed the requisit potty chair and crossed our fingers.  At first he LOVED the potty.  He’d easily potty while on the toilet while his sister cheered for him.  We thought, hmm… could we get lucky this time with an easy boy!?!

Moving to a new home prevented us from potty training right then and there.  But, just as he turned two years old we decided to make the big switch.  Starting on a Friday I put my son in underwear and gave him the potty-training talk.  I dutifully brought him to the toilet every 30 minutes… and he went every time.  It was easy for him to potty on the toilet, the problem was he only went a little bit.  And, he was still managing to have accidents even just 15 minutes after he’d peed on the potty.  As for going #2, no luck there – it was always in the underwear.  Grrr. 

My son also started resisting these frequent potty trips right from Day 1 of potty training.  Occasionally, he’d say he didn’t want to go, but I’d insist.  He was in underwear, after all.  By Day 2 and 3, he was all out against potty training.  He did NOT want to enter the bathroom, even to the point of tears.   On Day 3, when he had an accident just 15 minutes after going on the potty for the second time, we decided to call it quits.  1 unwilling toddler + 1 unready bladder = time to back off.  We felt a little like failures.  But, moreso, realized that we had given it a try and he was so clearly not ready.  No need for guilt there.

About 4 months later, my son seems to have forgotten potty training attempt #1.  I began to take him to the potty, at first 1-2 times a day and then 3-4 times a day since he wasn’t resisting.  Why this pleasant agreeableness?  I tricked him, of course.  I decided to sing a very short song each time I picked him up to bring him to the potty.  Since it was spring, I chose:

Little Johnny Jump-up said, “Now it must be spring!

I just saw a ladybug and heard a robin sing.”

This upbeat little number distracted him, set a positive emotional tone, and signaled to him what we were going to do without actually giving him a choice to reject.  No mention of pottying in this song - just a mood, a tone, something to say as I was carrying him to the bathroom.  We practiced this routine for 2-3 weeks and then…

Potty Training attempt #2.  Last Friday we pulled out the underwear again.  I brought him to the toilet avery 30 mintues amist continual song.  And he went.  And he didn’t complain.  And he didn’t have many accidents!  So, that’s how we spent the holiday weekend – potty training.  Now his scheduled potty trip is every 45 minutes.  Within the next week or so, we hope to get it to every hour and then onwards and upwards from there.

Potty training my son was different than potty training my daughter.  He was not physically ready until about 6 months later than she.  And, he was more defiant and resistant despite the fact that he had an older sister as a cheerleader and example.  On the other hand, he is having less accidents than she did at this point in the potty training sequence.  This may be simple because he is 6 months older than she was.  At any rate, we were very glad that we cloth diapered him, so waiting an extra 6 months to start potty training didn’t cost us a penny!

Potty Training: How I Did it the “Hard” Way May 28, 2009

Potty Training is one of those unexpected, HUGE parenting challenges.  How do you know when to start?  Grandma says you were potty trained by 2 years old, but today’s average child potty trains at 3 1/2!  What approach  do you use?  Do you base it off of your child’s interest in pottying on the toilet or on your desire to be diaper-free? 

I started to potty train my first child, a girl, when she was 22 months.  Sure, she was showing some “signs’ of being ready, but really we started potty training because we knew another child her age that had just gone diaper-free.  Isn’t there a good bit of peer-pressure when it comes to potty training?  What parent doesn’t wish to ditch the diaper, saving money, the environment and avoiding the YUCK factor all at once?

Months before I had casually introducing my daughter to her potty chair.  After occasionally having some pottying success, I targeted a specific weekend for the big switch.  I put her in underwear that day and explained my hopes and expectations.  We also used a potty doll that my daughter would “train” – the idea being that she would enjoy teaching the doll, while learning herself.  I had done some reading on various potty training approaches.  Here was my plan:  be positive,  reward a successful potty with one M & M,  expect accidents and respond by coaching her to practice running from the location of the accident to the potty several times for a positive, yet practical learning experience.  We also sat down on the potty just to “try” throughout the day, every few hours or so.  Sounds good on paper, right?

Well, it didn’t go so well.  After the first few accidents (which were constant) my daughter and I were both hating the experience.  It’s hard to be upbeat while cleaning up repeated messes.  It’s hard for such a little child to continue seeing the run-to-the-potty learning experience as a positive learning game.  It got old and we both got frustrated – fast!  At the beginning of the day, my daughter felt positive and excited about potty training, but by the day’s end she was hiding under the table to pee-pee.  Learning from having accidents sounds logical, but for her it was just discouraging. 

On Day 2 I took a completely different approach, which I call “Learning by Succcess.”  You may call it parent-training, rather than potty training… but it worked for us.  I took her to the potty every 30 minutes like clockwork.  As you would expect, she began to have very few accidents and pottying success after success, each celebrated with the an M&M in the color of her choice.  Granted, I was a little exhausted.   I felt chained to the toilet or timer… but it was working.  Over the week, I stretched her scheduled potty time to every 45 minutes and then to every hour.  Every hour was MUCH more doable, but still kept us watching the clock.  2-3 weeks into it, I was taking her every 2 hours, with few if any accidents. 

Sounds like a lot of work?  Honestly, it was!  I believe that the “easier” route would have been to wait another 9-12 months to start at all.  However, one has to decide if it’s easier to remember to sit your child on the potty every few hours, or to change a diaper every few hours.  I decided for the potty.  After a little over a month of potty training in this way, my daughter began to initiate – to say she had to go potty.  At about 2.5 months, she was initiating, so that I no longer watched the clock at all, and counted on her to take care of her needs.  It was a long 2.5 months, but going diaper free at 2 years, instead of at 3 years, was worth it for us.  And, when my second child was born, I was even MORE happy to have potty trained my first child the “hard” way.

Elective Cesarean – Every Week Counts! May 26, 2009

Considering or planning for an elective cesarean?  Fit Pregnancy’s June/July issue includes a good reminder:  every week counts!  When mama’s reaching the end of her pregnancy and growing increasingly uncomfortable and increasingly excited about meeting baby, it’s hard to wait out all 40 weeks.  According to the New England Journal of Medicine as reported by Fit Pregnancy, “36% of elective C-sections are performed before 39 weeks, putting newborns at risk for complications.”

“Being born by elective Cesarean section at 39 weeks – just one week early – increases a baby’s risk of health problems, such as feeding and breathing difficulties, according to a study of women undergoing repeat C-sections.  The researchers noted that babies delivered at 41 and 42 weeks are also at higher risk for complications. ‘We found there’s a very tiny window between 39 and 40 weeks where baby outcomes are optimal, ‘ said co-author John Thorp, M.D.”

And therein lies one of the main drawbacks to elective cesarean – that “very tiny window” of timing for baby’s ideal birthday.  Instead of allowing our bodies and babies to choose, we are “taking the baby” (as it’s so often said) at our convenience.  Scientists are still working to understand the complicated symphony of communication and cooperation between baby and mama that results in spontaneous labor.  If you’re set on an elective cesarean, give your baby that last week and aim for a 40-week pregnancy.

The Best Clothesline Ever May 21, 2009

So, maybe I’m exaggerating a bit, but I am quite thrilled with my new clothesline.  It’s one of those umbrella-shaped clotheslines that looks like it’s from outer space…  But – WOW- does it do the job well!

1.  It holds 6 loads of laundry.  I can wash all of our clothes on laundry day and hang everything.  Hello energy savings and a reduced electric bill!

2.  It rotates.  I can stand in one place and access every single line without straining a bit. 

3.  It only needs a small patch of sun.  We didn’t want a long stretch of clothesline.  This design is compact enough for an urban backyard.

4.  It closes up.  Were we to throw a lovely garden party, I could ask my dear husband to collapse the laundry umbrella, so that it looks basically like a post.  Or, even better, he could take it out of the hole entirely and put it in the garage.  Nice.

Anger Towards the Anti-Vaccine & Informed Consent Movements May 19, 2009

Nature Moms’ Blog posted an interesting article: Anger Towards the Anti-Vaccine & Informed Consent Movements this last week.  She commented on a recently aired episode of Law and Order Special Victims Unit, in which the mother of an unvaccinated child goes on trial for negligent homicide.  Definitely worth reading, regardless of your stance on routine vaccinations.  The discussion that follows her post is also quite lively!

Top 10 Toxic Baby Products May 16, 2009

Overwhelmed by all the info?  Not sure which “non-toxic” items for baby are essential purchases?  Here’s my list of Top 10 Toxic Baby Products, in order of approximate danger.  Balance this priority list against your budget to determine what to buy for baby:

1.  Baby Mattresses:  for the crib, bassinet, cosleeper, etc.  avoid like the plague mattresses that are covered with vinyl, filled with polyurethane foam, and treated with chemical fire retardants.   Babies and toddlers spend 10-14 hours a day sleeping, inhaling air just inches away from these dangerous chemicals.  For more info see, What’s Wrong with Conventional Mattresses?  Organic mattresses are made with materials like cotton, wool and natural rubber.

2.  Waterproof Mattress Pads:  “Normal” mattress pads designed for babies utilize vinyl to provide waterproof protection against diaper leaks or accidents.  For the same reasons as above, these are definitely not safe.  A dense wool puddle pad can also provide waterproof protection, without the poisonous fumes. 

3.  Cheap Wooden Toys:  In general, choosing wooden toys over plastic ones is a win-win for the environment and for your child’s safety.  However, know your source.   Toys cheaply made (and often in China) often use lead-tainted paints.  Lead poisoning is so serious that it’s just not worth taking a single risk.  A responsible toy-maker has it’s paints tested for lead.  Testing is routine for European manufacturers and may become routine in the US starting in 2010.

4.  BPA-contaminated Bottles:  Baby bottles made with polycarbonate plastics (clear and hard) emit the toxin BPA.  While the seriousness of BPA exposure to young infants is debated in our country (Still Not Sure about BPA?), other countries, like Canada, have outlawed BPA-emitting plastics in children’s feeding products.  Nowadays, BPA-free baby bottles are easy to find and quite affordable.  Still, don’t assume it’s BPA-free.  Read the label.  Or, just choose glass – it’s definitely safer and more environmentally friendly.

5.  BPA-contaminated Sippy Cups:  Same as above.  Sippy cups are workhorses.  It makes sense to opt for stainless steel sippy cups, over BPA-free plastics since they wear well and minimize the use of any plastic.

6.  Soft Plastic Teethers:   It’s smart to avoid plastic in general, but any soft plastics – like those most baby teethersare made with – are likely to contain phthalates.  Phthalates are a class of chemicals that soften plastics.  They are hormone disruptors, like BPA.  Not something you want baby chewing on.  For more details see, Toxic Toy Alert – Phthalates.  Opt instead for cloth or wooden teethers.  If you must do plastic, check that the label claims its phthalate-free.

7.  Baby Washes and Lotions:   Phthalates come into play here too.  Most baby washes and lotions use artificial scents or “fragrances”.  Any artificial smell is typically packed with phthalates, ready to do their hormone-disrupting worst.  What’s more, these cosmetics are often packed with cancer-causing chemicals, even ones declared “unsuitable for use on infant skin”.  There is no adequate policing of the cosmetic industry.  You’ve got to become informed at www.CosmeticDatabase.com and/or rely on brands that are certified organic, free of chemical additives.  For a case study, see Johnson & Johnson products Removed from Shelves in China!

8.  Popular Diaper Creams:  Diaper creams are cosmetics too and likely to carry the same concerns as the above.  I list them separately because your loyalty to Desitin, Balmex, Butt Paste or the like may be so strong that you forget to evaluate it’s safey too!  Check your miracle cream’s toxicity rating at www.CosmeticDatabase.com.  Here are some case studies I’ve done: Desitin – Safe or Toxic? and My Cosmetic Purge.

9.  Pesticides in Baby Food:  Pesticides are poisons.  Their “safety” levels are based on exposure in adults, not in tiny baby bodies that eat far more produce than the average adult.  Buying organic baby food definitely adds up faster than conventionally grown baby food, but it’s worth it.  I can’t, as a parent, feel very good about serving up bug poison.  If your budget burst a few items earlier on this priority list, try to make baby food at home from organic produce.  It is a bit cheaper.  Or, for maximum savings, grow your own.

10. Disposable Diapers:  Not too well known is the fact that disposable diapers aren’t entirely “pure” no matter how white they’ve been bleached (and actually, bleach is part of the problem).  Disposable diapers contain chemicals that are known to cause skin irritations, bleeding, fever, infection, cancer, sterility, and even death if ingested. Read more about Health Risks with Disposable Diapers.  Of course, using cloth diapers is actually cheaper.  But, if cloth is not your style, safer options include Tushies and 7th Generation disposable diapers.

*Note:  It was difficult to order these dangers, but I realize that some kind of frame of reference is helpful when dealing with the realities of life (limited budget).  Because of the extremely well documented dangers of lead poisoning, I placed “Cheap Wooden Toys” above BPA issues.  In reality, we are still learning about the potential ramifications of BPA and phthalate exposure.

Words for Loving Transitions May 14, 2009

Inspired by books like Heaven on Earth, countless Waldorf resources and Enki Education, I have been weaving simple verses or “sayings” into our family life.  These rhymatic verses are fun and excellent for language development.  But, most importantly, they ease my two little ones through difficult daily transitions.  Here are a few I think most parents would find useful.  Unless noted, I’m not sure of the authors.  Please advise me if you know!

For Teeth Brushing:

All the little milk teeth

Standing in a row,

Scrub, scrub, scrub

And away we go.

First do all the front ones,

Then do at the back,

Every night and morning,

Just like that.

For Nail Clipping:

Thumpkin Bumpkin jolly and stout,

Peter into mischief round-a-bout,

Long and lanky,

Hanky panky,

Pinkie winkie diddly dinky.

 

Snip, snap moonslivers one by one.

Thumpkin,

Peter.

Long and lanky.

Hanky panky.

All done.

For Saying Goodnight to my 4-year-old:

May you be good; may you be blessed.

Joyful to rise; happy to rest.

With a heart that is wise, warm and strong.

Nimble fingers, skilled feet to bear you along.

(from the Christopherus Kindergarden book)

 

Frivolous, Feminine Accessories this Spring! May 12, 2009

Today, at work, I was paging through the June issue of Lucky magazine.  (I know, don’t you feel so bad for me?  Being forced to read fashion magazines at work…)  Anyhow, one little snippet highlighted some cute hair accessories, mainly frivolous headbands the likes of which I’ve never owned. 

All of the sudden I’m wondering if I could pull off one of these feminine concoctions.  I don’t know if it’s because my 4-year-old daughter prefers a headband to having her hair “fixed” or because my 2-year-old son is known to dance around our house in a floral headband while me daughter dances in a matching one, but know I’m sure I’d like to try one.   It seems that everyone else in my house who has hair wears them with gusto.  And then, I did wear them constantly as a child, and the 80’s are coming back.  I wonder…

A bit of browsing around online unearths some inspiring styles at a few of my favorite boutiques and on Etsy.com.  The three I’ve posted here are from Anthropologie. Now, how do I choose?  The coral poppies are so springy!  The duchess headband looks soft and comfortable, plus neutral.  But, I do looooove mustard, so this headband with mustard felt flowers catches my eye.  Feel free to chime in here.  Which one do you like?

And then, I get sucked into shopping for a sunhat, because I need one (really, I lost mine).  But can I settle for sensible neutral choice, like this lovely hat from Ann Taylor?  Nooooo, I really love this colorful sunhat from Anthropologie, because doesn’t it just look perfect on the model?  I know, I know, it has to look good on me.  But, what can I say, I do love color!       

And that’s how my day turned into an expose on frivolous, delightful, utterly fashionable accessories.  I can just imagine what my husband will say (or try not to say) when I pull these out of the box!  Oh well, like I always tell him.. I’m the fashion expert!

And our Tea Party Gift Basket winner is… May 11, 2009

Congratulations to Kimberly Cunningham, a shopper at EuphoriaMaternity.com who has just one our mother’s day giveaway courtesy of Earth Mama Angel Baby.  Her Tea Party Gift Basket holds over $125 worth of luxurious, organic whole-body treats.  Kimberly is one mama who’s going to get some well-deserved pampering!  The rest of us will have to keep dropping hints.

Check back soon for our next giveaway… This time we’ll have some yummy organic goodness for your new baby!

Breastfeeding the Newborn May 9, 2009

My mom is lucky enough to be in California right now, helping out my sister who gave birth to a newborn on Monday.  We just chatted about how everything is going, and she asked me some questions about breastfeeding.  My sister hopes to breastfeed this little one longer than she’s managed before.  Here is some advice I gave her in response to her questions:

• Skip the Night Bottle idea.  Although it sounds so nice, letting your partner feed baby at night while you get some much-needed sleep isn’t usually a good idea.  In reality, mom will awaken when baby cries for that 3 am feeding.  She’ll have to wake her partner (who is likely to sleep right through it all) to remind him to go fix that bottle.  Off he goes to the kitchen to measure, pour, warm and return.  All the while, baby is crying and mother is… what?  Sleeping while her baby cries?  Probably not.  Holding the baby?  Maybe.  Whether holding or lying still, her milk is definitely letting down and filling up those nursing pads.  All that milk is wasted while she tries to sleep through baby’s noisy gulps.  Now, even if she manages to get into a sleep-through-it-all routine, this itself is still a potential problem.  In order to keep up her breastmilk supply, she needs to be feeding baby or pumping every time baby wants to eat.   By sleeping through one feeding every night, she sets herself up for milk supply problems, all the while allowing her frozen milk supply to dwindle. 
• Introduce the Bottle around 2 Weeks.  It’s smart to allow mom and baby to grow good and dependent on regular breastfeeding before introducing the bottle.  2 weeks of feeding on demand, with no breaks, will set mom up for a good milk supply.  It also gives baby plenty of time to learn how to latch on before introducing a whole new skill – bottle feeding.  But, don’t wait too long.  By 3 weeks old, introduce the bottle!  Bottle feeding early on lessens your chances of ending up with a baby who won’t take any bottle.
• Start stocking up on milk now.  Where does the breastmilk for that first bottle come from?  Mom can pump, in addition to her regular on-demand feeding.  But, that’s going to be a lot of hard work!  The easiest way to get a few bottles of milk stowed away is to collect milk during feedings those first few weeks (and beyond, if it works for you).  To do this, place a breast shell on one breast before starting to feed baby.  Feed baby on the opposite side, and watch as your letdown fills up that shell.  Keep cleaning the breast shell between feedings and emptying it into a refrigerated bottle.  At the end of the day, freeze what you’ve collected, which may be a half to a full bottle, depending on your letdown.
• It’s fine to use a pacifier.  Although experts used to worry that early pacifier use may interfere with establishing breastfeeding, studies have shown that this is not the case.  Apparently, even a newborn gets the difference between an object used for self-soothing, non-nutritional sucking and mom’s breasts – the source of food.  If you plan to use a pacifier, don’t hold back.  Go ahead and let baby suck to sleep!