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Here in the south spring is well on its way to becoming summer. As day after day of warm, sunny weather hits, we’ve been reviving our safe sun-protection habits.
Last week I dug out our sunscreen – one lone, half-filled bottle of Badger spf 30 from last year. Definitely going to need to restock! Off I went to scour the internet for the cheapest source of Badger. Last spring, Badger was soooo hard to find. Fortunately, this year it’s available at Amazon and Drugstore.com! I found the best price at just $12 a bottle at Drugstore.com. Be sure you buy enough as supplies can get low! Since we need 3 bottles (one for grandma’s house, one for our swimming bag and one by the door), it wasn’t too hard to reach that $50 threshold for free shipping.
For more details on why I buy Badger and a comparison to California Baby spf 30 Bug Blend, see Non-toxic, Safe Sunscreens that I love.
Or, see this link for a complete list of safe sunscreens.
Whatever you do, don’t just use any old sunscreen. Research has shown that MOST sunscreens on the market are either ineffective at providing sun protection and/or outright dangerous, since their cancer-causing ingredients soak right into your child’s thirsty skin. You can evaluate any given sunscreen easily at www.CosmeticDatabase.com.
And, mamas, don’t forget the sunhats!
If you decide to send your little one to “traditional” preschool, how do you choose the right school? Browse under “preschools” in your phonebook and you’re sure to find lots of options. Here is some information to help familiarize yourself with Montessori and Waldorf, two of the most popular teaching styles for little ones:
Montessori
Countless preschools dub themselves “Montessori” to associate themselves with Maria Montessori’s educational approach. However, beware that anyone can call their school “Montessori” with no certifications at all. As such, the quality of Montessori preschools vary greatly. A “true” Montessori school will often by certified by Association Montessori Internationale or a similar organization. Classes are often 25-30 children with a 2-3 year age span.
Hallmarks of the Montessori approach include:
A healthy, well-developed young child will have, “a love of order, love of work, spontaneous concentration, attachment to reality, love of silence and of working alone, sublimation of the possessive instinct, power to act from real choice, obedience, independence and initiative, spontaneous self-discipline, and joy.” (from The North American Montessori Teachers’ Association)
Waldorf
There are fewer Waldorf schools because a school must be certified to use this term legally. This does help ensure some sort of genuinely “Waldorf” presence in any given Waldorf school. Still, the schools do vary largely based on how the teachers interpret the work of Rudolf Steiner, who founded Waldorf education. Waldorf is informed by a spiritualistic worldview or “religion” called anthroposophy, also founded by Rudolf Steiner. Again, classes are likely to be of mixed ages, but not as large in size as in Montessori.
Hallmarks of the Waldorf approach include:
“Waldorf teachers strive to transform education in to an art that educates the whole child—the heart and the hands, as well as the head… The goal of the kindergarten is to develop a sense of wonder in the young child and reverence for all living things. This creates an eagerness for the academics that follow in the grades.” (from the Association of Waldorf Schools North America)
The Responsible Parent’s To Do List:
New or expecting parent’s may identify with this list… Yep! Before my firstborn was even 6 months old, I’d started feeling the pressure to think about preschool. After all, the “best” schools had waiting lists a mile long. I’ve been told that in bustling urban areas, it’s often necessary to register a child at one year old, in hopes of joining the program at 3 years! Talk about pressure.
But, wait a minute, slow down… are you sure preschool is a good idea at all? The cultural assumption in the United States that a 3 or 4 year old “should” be in a school environment is not shared by many countries that lead the US in academics, nor is it shared by childhood development experts, in general. For scientific evidence, check out any of the books listed in my post Better Late than Early, or see Why Rush our Babies for a summary of some concerns.
But, even if you’ve heard all this, you may still leaning towards preschool. For some parents, it’s just necessary since no one is able to be home with the young child. For others that do stay at home, you honestly can’t wait for a few child-free hours a week. And, then, there’s the parents who are simply questioning this whole “Better Late than Early” concept. Afterall, EVERYONE sends their children to preschool. And, since your 2-year-old can already recite the alphabet and count to 20, you just know he’s going to be ready for more than staying home next year. This reaction is probably a mixture of excitement and fear. Excitement because you love what you see developing in the child and will be thrilled when he or she learns to add, subtract, read and write. Fear because you don’t want to withhold any resource or opportunity that may enhance the child’s learning. This matters. You want to do your best to nourish the child.
But, interest does not equal appropriateness. Being able does not equal being best served. Here’s a quote from the Enki Homeschool Teaching Guide “Early Childhood Education” that brings a helpful perspective:
In all areas of learning the child needs what John Holt calls, “a period of messing about.” We need to allow this period in the world of academics, just as we naturally do in other areas of life. When the child plays in the mud, we do not rush her off to pottery class or to learn to be a brick layer; when the child first bangs on pots and pans we don’t turn on the stove and start her cooking – we don’t even start drumming lessons; when the child plays “Mommy and Daddy,” we don’t begin sex education! This child’s interest in the academics is like Braxton-Hicks contractions during gestation – practice for what lies ahead; jumping the gun would be equally destructive in this case!” (pg 16)
Over and over again child experts agree that young children are best served by staying at home with a loving caregiver. The child learns so much in the natural flow of the day, being involved as desired in cooking, cleaning, eating, rest and play. We work to make our homes safe, beautiful and nourishing, with a rhythm that supports the needs of the caregiver and the children.
But what if home is not possible? What if you feel you just MUST have a break! Within your confines of distance and cost, you’ll need to evaluate your options. And, that’s when the choices begin to overwhelm. If you are able to put the child in another home (a healthy, life-giving home), that’s usually going to be healthier and more developmentally appropriate than any fancy program. But, there are a LOT of fancy programs… and they are alluring. More on weeding through options next!
What does it take to implement Elimination Communication (EC), and how practical is this approach for today’s mom? I spoke with Miranda and Bethany, two moms who desired to use EC with their infants.
Miranda’s Story
Miranda is a mother-of-three, a stay at home mom who just birthed her youngest this past December. With a four-year-old, two-year-old and new baby at home, her house is a lively place! Miranda has breastfed all of her children, birthed naturally and enjoys baby-wearing. She discovered cloth diapering with her second baby and researched ECing while pregnant with her third.
When I asked Miranda why she was interested in EC, she said, “I wanted to be free of diapers and also to accomplish potty-training, real potty-training, in an easier way.” As an experienced mother, she knows that potty-training a toddler or preschooler can be VERY difficult, to say the least.
During her pregnancy, Miranda googled “Elimination Communication” and found tons of very helpful info online. Her reading trained her to be able to recognize an infant’s cues for elimination. She learned that the ideal time to begin EC is between 3 weeks and a few months, with early always being better.
But, things didn’t quite work out as she’d hoped when her son was born. Yes, she was able to identify her son’s cues for both urination and bowel movements! Yes, she still wanted to give ECing a try. But, Miranda found that it was just not practical for her to constantly observe her infant for cues and/or act upon her observations, all the while taking care of two other young children. As a result, best intentions aside, Miranda never did try ECing. A good mom knows her limits.
When asked if she might try ECing with her son in the future or with future children, Miranda thought not. With young children always underfoot, she just doesn’t see having the energy to EC. She would say that, for her, ECing would really only make sense with a first or second baby.
Bethany’s Story
Bethany has a 3-year-old at home, along with a her son of 8 months. Like Miranda, Bethany breastfeeds her children and births naturally, but she’s a part-time working mom.
Bethany didn’t expect to EC from the get go. She had converted to cloth diapers during her first child’s toddler years. While pregnant with her second, she purchased beautiful organic cotton and wool diapers for her newborn, excited to pamper him in this way. But, as life has it, things didn’t go as planned. Her little one rashed terribly in any kind of cloth diaper (and we tried several). His little bum seems insistent on wearing those pricey and only relatively eco-friendly 7th Generation disposable diapers. Mom and dad weren’t too happy with the bill!
When she was pregnant, Bethany had read Christine Gross-Loh’s “The Diaper-Free Baby” cover to cover. Bethany is a self-described “slow reader”, but she said the book was easy-to-read and full of common sense. She felt that there wasn’t too much required to get started. She had planned to introduce EC at three months, but the distractions of life kept her preoccupied until her son was 6 months old.
Starting at 6 months, she practiced signing to him about elimination and tried to offer him the potty when possible. Being busy with her preschooler and a working mom too, Bethany found it difficult to recognize and anticipate her son’s need to eliminate. He went once or twice on the potty, but nothing much happened for quite awhile.
But, this past week, things changed! At 8 months old, he’s made huge strides in his ability to communicate in general. Putting two and two together, he’s suddenly using the potty whenever she brings him! Many times Bethany is able to recognize his signs when he’s almost ready to go and take him to the potty in time. She’s just so excited, imagining all the money she’ll save, the waste she’ll avoid and the ease of potty-training when he’s older, as opposed to the struggles most moms experience with sons.
When Bethany’s at work, she hasn’t asked her mom (who cares for her children) to attempt to EC. But, that doesn’t seem to impair her sons ability to pick it up again when she’s home. In fact, it’s a comfortable part-time practice, not an all-or-nothing skill.
When asked if she foresees ECing consistently, Bethany says, “Absolutely! We’re not going backwards from here!” Bethany says they only use about 2 diapers a day now, and even her mom is going to start practicing EC with him when mama’s at work. “I expect that he’s going to be completely potty trained by 12 months,” Bethany shares. Her confidence is bolstered by another friend who introduced EC to her 6-month-old and celebrated the completion of potty training at 12 months.
Have you heard of EC (Elimination Communication)? It’s a fancy term for learning to communicate with your infant about elmininating, with the goal of potty training or at least greatly reducing the use of diapers. Sound shocking? Actually, it’s not a new idea. Many traditional cultures in both Africa and Asia (who also practice baby-wearing) do potty train their infants as a matter of course.
One might wonder, is a baby really able to communicate in this way? Is the child being “trained” or the parent? And, also what’s the point? Aren’t diapers easier?
Successful ECers answer that their choice is driven by more than the joy of ditching the diaper. Parents report that their potty-trained infant cries less and seems more comfortable and happy. They believe that no baby enjoys sitting in a soiled diaper. They believe that the child has an intrinsic awareness of his or her need to eliminate, and that communicating that need fosters confidence, while building the parent-child relationship. Here are two quotes from DiaperFreeBaby.com:
” By the time Simon was three and a half months old he had proven to us that EC is more than just ‘parent training.’ He started signaling his need to pee by making his own imitation of our ’sss’ cue! We were delighted to be in such two way communication with him.”
- Rachel, mom to Simon, began EC at birth
“Doing EC with Ben has completely changed our relationship for the better. Before we started EC, it seemed like he often cried for no reason. With EC, I finally have an important tool to help meet his needs, and he is 100% happier.”
- Sarabeth, mom to Ben, began EC at 2 1/2 months
EC has received a lot of press in the past 3-4years, and with mixed reactions from American parents. Christine Gross-Loh’s “The Diaper-Free Baby” is the most well-respected how-to book for parents. The curious and those ready to give EC a try can also look for support on www.DiaperFreeBaby.com, a non-profit organization.
Ok, but really? I didn’t hear about EC until I was pregnant with my second baby. At the time, I was only marginally interested. Quite frankly, it sounded like a lot of work. Since switching to cloth diapers and running with an increasingly “hippie” (my husband’s words…) crowd, I’ve ran into more moms who are practicing, want to practice or are trying to practice EC. And, then, I came across Pregnancy & Newborn’s article “Infant Potty Training” in their current Green issue. They claim that “today’s Ec’ing families foster a practical approach toward bonding with their babies and doing their part for the environment.” So, I decided to make some calls to real moms I know who planned to EC.
To be continued…
No matter how many times I read it, it’s surprising to me how much sleep babies need! Here’s a refresher:
0-2 months = 10.5 to 18 hours of sleep. Sleeping patterns are sporadic and nearly impossible to predict.
2-12 months = 14 to 15 hours of sleep. Work towards establishing regular morning and afternoon naps (a duration of 1-2 hours is typical), plus a healthy bedtime between 8 pm to 9 pm. Most children will sleep a full 12 hours at night. Plan your child’s bedtime to allow for 12 hours of sleep on most days, keeping your waking time in mind.
1-3 years = 12 to 14 hours of sleep. Most one-year-olds will transition to one afternoon nap with a duration of 1-2 hours. At 2 or 3, children typically reject napping or no longer seem to be able to nap. When this happens, consider moving that bedtime up to 7 pm, so that they’re still getting a full 12 hours of sleep each night.
3-5 years = 11 to 13 hours of sleep. By this time, few children are napping. Keep a consistent bedtime routine and hour to help your child develop healthy sleep patterns.
If your baby doesn’t get enough sleep, it can cause increased crankiness and difficulty in falling asleep. It can also hamper your child’s ability to develop to his or her potential intellectually, emotionally and physically. The body does most of its growing during sleep, and sleep is so important for proper brain function.
One last thing - and this is important – ensuring that your child gets enough sleep is important for you too! Quiet moments during naps or in the late evening, after the children have gone to bed, create precious opportunities for you to accomplish tasks, relish some mommy time, and/or reconnect with your spouse. As much as we love nourishing our children, let’s not neglect ourselves.
Way back in 1989, Raymond and Dorothy Moore published “Better Late than Early: A New Approach to Your Child’s Education.” In the book they presented thorough research supporting the rather old-fashioned idea that young children thrive best in a home environment, and do NOT gain from academics in preschool and kindergarten.
“Better Late than Early” has become a catch phrase for the decision to de-emphasis early academics. Many helpful books have explored the same premise from slightly different angles, including “Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk”, “Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn–and Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less” and “Your Child’s Growing Mind” .
I was raised in an academic household and, in school, I was often defined by my “ahead-of-the-game” status since I graduated two years early. It doesn’t come naturally for me to assume this “Better Late than Early” idea, but I have to say that all of the research – ALL OF IT – supports the concept.
In our lives, adopting a “Better Late than Early” mentality supported our decision to take our oldest out of a local preschool program in favor of keeping her home. It challenges me to resist the desire to practice writing and phonics with my 4-year-old. It encourages me to consider “mundane” time together cooking, coloring, painting, cleaning or playing outside as valuable, enriching experiences far more developmentally appropriate than any LeapFrog learning toy.
If you are like most parents, marketers have already sold you the various teach-your-baby now, get your child on the fast-track to success type products. Don’t feel bad. Sadly, the researches and child development experts just don’t have the same marketing clout as big business. I do challenge you to pick up one of the books I’ve mentioned above or simply click over to this very informative article Teaching our children to write, read & spell to get a birds eye view of the risks of early academics vs. the benefits and ease of waiting.
Environmental Health News just reported on a Swedish study that accidentally found a strong link between vinyl flooring and autism. “Children who live in homes with vinyl floors, which can emit phthalates, are twice as likely to have autism, according to a new study by Swedish and U.S. researchers. Scientists call the discovery ‘intriguing and baffling.’ Experts suspect that genetic and environmental factors combine to cause autism, which has increased dramatically in children over the past 20 years.”
Yes, autism has increased suddenly… it has increased seven-fold since 1990, which is far too fast to be attributed to genetics. It makes sense that environmental poisons are at play, yet few studies have been undertaken to attempt to pinpoint them. Vinyl is toxic. That’s not up for debate. But, while manufacturers want you to believe that the toxins released by vinyl into the air are minuscule and harmless, I doubt these researches agree.
“Of the study’s 4,779 children between the ages of 6 and 8, 72 had autism, including 60 boys.
The researchers found four environmental factors associated with autism: vinyl flooring, the mother’s smoking, family economic problems and condensation on windows, which indicates poor ventilation.
Infants or toddlers who lived in bedrooms with vinyl, or PVC, floors were twice as likely to have autism five years later, in 2005, than those with wood or linoleum flooring.”
In the full article it is made clear that the findings are far from conclusive. But, scientists have agreed that targeted studies need to be designed to look for a connection between autism and indoor air pollutants.
And, mamas, if vinyl flooring is dangerous for babies, toddlers and children, it’s not at all safe for your unborn baby. If you’re pregnant, do what you can to avoid vinyl of all kinds at home and at work. If you can’t escape it, open windows as much as possible to allow the toxins to disperse. Also, think seriously about replacing your baby’s conventional mattress (which is covered with vinyl) with a non-toxic mattress. Babies that nap on vinyl are breathing in those fumes day in and day out, just at a time when they’re so vulnerable.
Our society is in a rush, a rush to see children read, write and do math at a young age. Baby Einstein is a mass success. Parents read books and take classes about working with their infants to put them on the fast track to academic excellence. Why is this valued so strongly? Is this common in other cultures? As sensitive, modern parents, is this the path we want to take?
These are observations and questions that I did not ask of myself as a young mother. It was a given that the ability to count or to write her name were in some way a measure of my daughter’s intelligence and progress. I can see how this happens, because we do watch our babies hit milestone after milestone from raising that head to rolling over, crawling, etc. As they become older toddlers, the physical milestones greatly slow down and we begin to reach for intellectual milestones to chart growth. Grandparents want to hear the 2-year-old say his ABC’s. Preschool teachers expect the 3-year-old to recognize letters and numbers. The pressure is on.
In the past year I’ve been reading and pondering this social climate that focuses so strongly on academics from the youngest age. As it turns out, it’s not a universal assumption. In European countries such as Sweden, Germany and Poland, children begin first-grade at around seven years old and aren’t expected to be able to read at all at the beginning of first grade. Here in the States our education system has long since fallen behind our European neighbors. Our answer? Start teaching them earlier! Move letter-recognition from kindergarten to preschool and reading from 1st grade to kindergarten. Get them out of the home and into school as soon as possible! Ouch. The results have not been pretty. Farther behind and more stressed out than ever, children and parents are starting to say “no”.
Quite frankly, I think this value in early academics is misplaced. The kindergartner who has an active imagination, who relishes artistic expression and who relates well with pears is better poised for success in our world than the one who lacks the above but already knows how to read. Creativity and sociability really count for a lot in our high-tech, automated world. I have confidence that the academics will come too, when the child is ready. That’s why I subscribe to a “Better Late than Early” mentality when it comes to childhood academics. But, more on what that means later.
My advice to new parents (besides to read, read, read about it) is to relish early childhood as a time for innocent, free exploration of the world, unburdened by schoolwork. Approach your preschooler and kindergartener with the confidence that your family dynamic is the foundation of her future self. Think holistically about fostering growth in all areas: body (physical milestones and skills), personality (social skills and soul nurturing) and intellect (via direct experience with a beautiful, natural environment). That’s an echo of the Waldorf mantra: head, heart and hands.
